Yeah Idk...

It may be the lack of sleep or the fact that I've hardily eaten the last five days but I keep becoming overwhelmed with fear. I keep thinking what if I'm wrong? What if things aren't going to work out? What if everything I've been trusting and believing is going to happen doesn't? I keep wondering if maybe I've been lying to myself to make myself feel better and maybe all these things I want aren't going to come to pass. I tell myself over and over that its not impossible and that it can happen but something in my head is whispering that I'm stupid for really thinking that. I suppose it's doubt. Everyone struggles with doubt right? I think its when I look at the situations and see everything that would have to happen or change in order for things to work and it overwhelms me. Sometimes I just start crying because its too much. I hate this! I don't want my head starting to fill with doubt. I go from such high highs of hope and suddenly I'm so lost.Its like different forces fighting it out in my heart and mind and things shift as one is winning. There are certain things I want so much and the thought of never having them scares me to death. I'll probably be fine when i wake up later and then out of nowhere it will creep up on me again and tackle me. I don't know what I'm doing sometimes.