April Has Begun

Its seriously sad how much I suck at keeping up on this whole blogging thing. I really need to try to keep this thing up better.
Anyway...
I have to start my law school applications again soon. I think I might be able to get into this law school over in Fullerton. Its not a flashy school by any means. My college GPA was high enough to graduate but it far from a respectable GPA for a law student to have. I really regret not putting more effort into getting higher grades in college.When I put in an actual effort I do really well. I was .01 away from graduating and had to take a couple of summer school classes and got A's in both because I actually did the work and knew that I HAD to do well in order to get my diploma. The Fullerton school also strangely seems like it might be a good fit. A couple of weeks ago Steven told me that he got into UC Santa Cruz and I asked if that's where he was thinking of going and he told me that he actually is thinking that if he doesn't get into USC he'll go to UC Irvine. UCI was where I was really hoping he'd end up because its not as far away as the other schools he'd applied at like Davis and Berkeley. Coincidently Irvine is a mere 20 minutes away from Fullerton...hmmm. Upon figuring that out the hamster wheel in my head started up and the gears started spinning. I always get such a rush when the gears start turning its ridiculous. I love planning and making plans...not that they always come to fruition however but still. Haha frankly half the time I think I have no clue what I'm doing. How on Earth I'm actually 31 blows my mind. I think the whole being unmarried and jobless and childless tricks my brain into thinking I'm younger than I am. I don't know at this point I'm just going with the whole thing about whatever is supposed to happen with whoever its supposed to happen with will happen according to God's plan. Lately guys have been slipping away as quickly as they appeared in the first place and I am left with no resolution. I dont understand the whole deal with suddenly not talking to me and never breaking up with me or explaining anything...just poof gone. I've been talking to my therapist about it a lot. I have so much unresolved stuff its ridiculous. Its like watching a movie and the final scene is missing and you have no idea how the dang thing ended or how any of the conflicts were resolved. I really hate it. I can't really dwell on it or I tend to have to take a xanax before too long. Oh anxiety how you never cease to not be fun...