I hate how often I feel stuck. Its an overwhelming and sickening feeling. I make such tiny movements forward it almost seems unnoticeable. I'm unhappy too often...I'm worried too often. I feel like I'm getting too old to be in this spot. I need to seriously make a plan for myself to get caught up and then to get ahead. I can do this know it...

Sometimes I miss you so much that its hard to even fathom...it overwhelms me

Double Threes

I've been 33 for a whopping 7 days now and so far its not any better than 32. At least I have a job. I'm generally unhappy. I enjoy my job but aspects of it stress the hell out of me. My direct supervisor is the most critical person I have ever met. I finally confronted her yesterday and demanded to know one thing that I do right because practically every word out of her mouth that is directed at me is something I'm doing wrong. So she says some crap about how she wishes I hadn't asked her that question because she can't think of anything I did do right. I'm sorry that's just plain mean. So I burst into tears in the break room full of people and pretty sure she was embarrassed because everyone is staring and looking back at her then me so she comes up and says okay I thought of one thing you did right and proceeds to tell me I organized the gift cards nicely so I have a gift for merchandising. I try insanely hard with that job. I've never had any customer complaints and I'm well liked. I spent years in a relationship with someone who was constantly critical and my dad was critical. It has taken a ton of therapy the last few years to get to a place where I feel like I deserve good things and I deserve happiness and I refuse to let this bish tell me I'm not good enough. I've been anxious a lot lately and most days I fight to keep the depression from creeping its way back in. I don't always succeed. I finally had enough money set aside to see my therapist this week. He wants me to find some hobbies or activities that will bring me some happiness and some distraction. I need a vacation.I need to get away for a couple of days and just wander around the streets of a different city and window shop and see the sights and check out the museums and whatnot. I feel so trapped.